Peonies Talk

The last time,i jotted notes in here, it was a catastrophe. After being inspired to randomly write about stuffs and goings-on and in about saving them to be published, the connection fizzled and God knows, i looked for my write-up back and forth the pages but to no avail.
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The Prophesy

I missed Alain when I came to think about what-would-bes, what-might-bes or wannabes hehe. The pact has been, not to divulge secrets or wishful thinkings to each other. We felt that if those thoughts were known to each other, they would all become bubbles. We hang on to that superstition like gospel truth:)

Few years back, a numerologist prophesied the dark days of my life. They all came to pass and good things happened, I finally got to know myself really deeply well. Then, another year came,another fortune foretold.

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Fortune

There is one common theme the fortune teller keeps battering about; it is about timing for everything. One message that sinks in, that is, I have to take care of my needs first before others.I have to be happy now or happiness would just be another opportunity that might come to pass.In the next years,she said, I would not be having this luxury of time to take care of my happiness or behold a loved one because I will be out there, like a feather in the sky spiriting out from one destination to the next.

I might be better out there than here. Time can tell.

It’s probably the full moon beckoning me to wax subjects worthy of a psychiatric evaluation.Hehe.

Maiba, just now, I heard from my inmates from TBS ( The Basic School) regarding our travel arrangement tomorrow. We will be spending the holy week at a remote island in Cavite. We shall be back at our beloved school wearing athletics and God-knows-battle dresses.WE will no longer be forsaken candidate soldiers but would rather act as highly feared tactical officers and I’ll be their most senior. So you can imagine what becks and calls I can possibly generate to keep the candidates officers on their toes. But I would not be doing that because I am too nice.Hehe.

In the past weekends, we visited the school to check on our sheeps and took our respites from the rigors of urban Manila.The Seal Warriors took us through a rubber boat ride to El Fraile ( an imposing WW2 immovable warship constructed in the midst of an ocean between Bataan and Cavite)It was a ride of lifetime.WE braved the tempest waves with just a fragile rubber boat and lifesavers.

Our sheeps will take their Force March this Holy Thursday and we will release them in the mountains on the weekend and we will be tagging along with our battle dresses and M16.hehe.Or rather not..I might be holing in the shore and beat the heat swimming and surfing..in the net:) while they sweat their fears out with simulated battle scenarios up there.

I have not so far displayed the role of a warrior as what we were trained to be in the TBS. But just this afternoon, I expended a certain rage to a person for being a lousy slack.Being that,spells life and death for a soldier.But I checked myself because truth to tell, I have a reputation for being funny and lousy at the school ( i’m only second to my sistah sa pananampalataya who is the funniest and lousiest  of us all hehe).Of course, the drill instructors did not notice that coz for them I’m cute.hehe.

I labored day and night in culminating tangible projects. I took shots at whatever are available and can be done within my means.I ceaselessly do things to the point of breaking my back figuratively.I plant and can only anticipate to harvest in not so or so distant future.I am a creature with extreme energies to expel.

But I felt like exhausting my bullets at peripheral shots. I have too much practice but I can’t the hit the bulls eye.. or am i just too impatient?

A good buddy of mine told me yesterday her secrets for success. She prayed definitively and earnestly for objects and persons.And God so far have not failed her..Failures in relationship are a given but twas she said blessings in disguise.That made me think hard, have i prayed definitively for things to happen in my life?Truth to tell, I lost count when I stopped praying earnestly.I just stopped. If ever I prayed,twas like murmurs, there was no depth.

Or perhaps I just chose to forget those nights when I hollered and cried before HIm.Or perhaps I have become apathetic  or I just without care let fate took its course. Events,circumstances and phenomena are not my own designs and I unknowingly surrendered in full circles into them.

All told, there is this certain uncertainty that keeps on hindering my track.This discontent..this paranoia, I can’t even define in words. Perhaps, I am this person whose soul is raging, bursting with needs that even a delightful calmness can not quiet.

Sadness creeps over me

like coffee granules

dissolving into hot water.

I pretended as  a white creamer

subservient to darkness,

engulfed within the hallow of a cup.

I tried to release the poignancy

into an aroma,

wafting through every sip.

I hope the drinker will remember

the aftertaste of memories,

cups of these bittersweet coffees

drank one after another ..

drowning the thought

of an empty chair across.

I hope to lay awake and wait for sunrise,

begin a new day with a hot milk.

No more coffees please.Hehe.

I am finally wired in the net possibly 24/7.I just bought a PLDTWEroam 3g prepaid kit.It somehow promised a near dsl connection speed but to my disappointment it is barely up to my expectation. In fairness to the technology, it is an ultimate mobile net where you can be wired at any unimaginable place, say on top of a bayabas tree, or some obscure places serviced by Smart.It can alternate connection using a 3g/hspda, gprs/edge and wifi.

This will serve me well,given the demands I have set to foster some online business here in the world wide web.Beside, I just talked to my colleague at work, he’s up to taking up an advance training course and will turn over his little kingdom in tanay,rizal to me.It is a fact that the camp is located at the far corners of rizal and no internet cables might have touched its ground.

One good thing about this assignment, i’ll be far from the general headquarters or specifically from our warrior "boss" and i can freely do my personal stuff so long as I am proverbially delivering compliance from the higher ups.I would no longer be buying a car coz the office has a service, a honda civic at that.

I have no care if I might be preempting this assignment coz either way,if that will push through or not, i’ll be equally happy with the status quo.Yun nga lang,I really need to buy my own personal car if that assignment will not be given to me.Win-win situation still.

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I am still up waiting for a site builder download to be finished.It is taking about 3 hours,that’s how slow it can get even if I have a Vista OS, a gig RAM, Core duo processors & 120 GB of HDD.

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The question now boils to this..will life be the same again with the revival of my cyber lifestyle? I think not.Just a while ago,I was looking at the stack of laundry in my basket and the cobwebs that crawled their way in the corners of my flat.The last time when my hobby then was deep thinking, i distracted myself with cleaning my room and washing dirty clothes and obsessing over other things.At the start of this year,the surge of activities overwhelmed me somehow and I cant even find time to muse.

Writing blog entries has been a luxury, a respite for this busybody..I am wondering if I still have time for love.LOL

I didn’t go to work.Pleaded sickness but twas more like lack of sleep.Two sleepless nights on the row, it’s enough for me to consider holing up in bed. But I didn’t ,at least in the morning, I attended an execution conference at the Labor Commission.My clients have reasons to look forward in the next weeks.. wink

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Probable reason for the sleepless night: too much activity in the minds, even if i want to shut it down, my brain processor is working overtime.I hibernate but the power is still on. I cant help but think too that people I cared might have the same bout of mental over activity. hehe. I ended texting a kilometric note to somebody at 5 am.It was my eureka moment. I took a stand, not about Jun Lozada, but on which is which and what was and what is now.

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After about sleeping two hours this afternoon, Im itching to go out and have dinner. I landed at Bo’s Cafe at Fort Boni HIgh Streets. To count, I’ve had two hours of wifi use and still counting. I love my community here at the Global Fort City, it is an image of cosmopolitan living, way different from what you imagine a poverty-stricken Metro Manila might be like.I imagine fostering my urbanity at this city’s High Rises, Green Corners, Beautiful People and Not-so-Busy Streets.

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My business partner went to India for few days. Before she left, we have again a misunderstanding.I guess beautiful people just have inherent differences; those,for a purpose, distinguish our beauty from one another.hehe..Why is it that if you’ve bonded well with a person, both of you are prone to spats and harps. Is it familiarity breeding contempt? Or are we just coming in too strong for each other?

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BUti siguro humanap na lang ng panget na kausap. Hehehe

I just missed an important message from a friend today..so we got mixed up. I attended a 5pm worship alone while she thought we would be going together at 7pm to the Church.It has something to do with switching sim cards on a lone non-dual phone.

So with that, I marched to the hi-tech shops at the mall and have dinner alone while my friend is there at One Nation all by herself and in quandary what ministry she might be volunteering, I bet.hehe

I came across this pda phone from china which surprisingly can do a lot considering its size.It has dual phone functions and both lines can be active at that plus a TV! I need to have two sets of phones with the demands of business, work and personal life I have and with that phone, I can surely do a lot..of multi tasking..in one single unit..wink

I just had a misunderstanding with my biz partner concerning that word.. "multi tasking." But it was just a misunderstanding..she knew I can multi task literally hehehe

Wasn’t it great to forgive one person who had ‘darted’ you as an enemy ?

I got your unexpected letter.I never did expect that you would just pop out one second and ask for forgiveness.You appeared to be at the bitter end of the rope holding on with your pride. But that letter proved me wrong.It took you six months. I gave up on you since you moved out and i let you go; so forgiving you is easy and forgetting is of no moment. You have been part of my memories. Welcome back Friendship

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But there’s another friendship that I can’t seem to fathom, that is, If I am the one who needs to forgive or I am the one to be forgiven. The talks have been ridiculous and you can’t argue with the one who thinks her ego is the most precious thing and once you hurt it, you are put in destierro at an indefinite time. She can’t expect me to be there when the sanction is lifted. I am no offender.

Soon after I arrived at my place, the obsesssive compulsive in me made me ran through my bag and fixed things at their proper places..Fixtures such as ledger,tickler notes and organizer are aptly put on the side of my table ready to be ran through at the end of the day.There lies in the midst of my "busyness" is the huge calendar.

One noticeable change I am making this year is that, I am obsessing towards accomplishing what were professed to be tasks..and gez, I am only in the midst of the month and I am making them all happen within ten days.. and the compulsive in me can’t further inhibit my hands in adding some more tasks and events into my social calendar.

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Note..On Tuesdays and Thursdays at 6am, I might be crawling my way to Pasay Road, Makati from the Fort. I just used the gift certificate from Slimmer’s, one year exclu membership, sayang kung di magamit. They have hot and cold shower din kase plus I just bought a facial package, quite reasonably priced.Wink.

Same days soon after work, i’ll be doing boxing ( this is a matter of commitment to my friends at PAO). Nonetheless, If I may not be working out early in either on a Tues or Thurs, I might be paddling water at Manila Bay ( this is a matter of my interest, MBP is rowing or paddling big time, I aimed to join them at Boracay, folks, I hope)

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On Wednesdays and Fridays, I’ll be attending taebo sessions at dawn ( This is a matter of work-related compliance, PFT, sort-of) and I have to negotiate with my friends from PAO that we move our boxing sessions on these days after work instead of TTHS. Tsk

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My Saturdays will be spent rowing at dawn and gym at Slimmer’s soon after and my Sundays are allotted with Church worship or perhaps firing with guns at some shooting ranges.

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You might be wondering If I have done all these already, don’t worry, I just got a taste of this "getting physical" mode today. I rowed a couple of miles at Manila Bay and sweated hard at Slimmer’s after and got a free diamond peel after the hot shower.I went home at QC tired as a horse. hehe.Tomorrow, we fire guns and ask forgiveness at the Church soon after.

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These values of staying positive and getting healthy I got from the training at the Marine base, that is,so we can work till we drop.Hehe

I have cleaned all the clutters, arranged all stuff according to the principle that I am the " Chi River". Once the door of my loft opens, I flow into spaces, glide through alleys and occupy those that needs to be filled in the "bagua" map.

I settle at the southwest corner where my fortune table lies. Sunlight will hit my quartz crystal illuminating rainbow.My mandarin ducks glisten at the thought of company. The image of waterfalls and mountains at the backdrop compliment my devotion and the energies that exude from things arranged and filled up..according to the Master.

Pardon me..I just bought another Feng Shui magazine and a globe quartz crystal. I got carried away. Wink. Tsk. Hehe

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Apart from arranging stuff in my loft, I got obsessive with PLANNING and TRACKING.I have separate note books for each purchase and expense track, another diary for things I want to do for the rest of the month and year. I felt so compulsively and obessively organized.

Note my wishes:

1. Buy my dream laptop on March

2. Drive my service car on March still

3. Reserve my dream condo on May

I leave what year that it will be accomplished to the Master.hehe